Death and loss are inevitable, yet many people find it difficult to confront their mortality and that of their loved ones. Stephen Jenkinson, in his book "Die Wise: A Manifesto for Sanity and Soul," offers a unique perspective on dying, grief, and loss. Jenkinson, who is a spiritual teacher, grief counsellor, and farmer, presents an alternative to the mainstream views of death, which are often characterised by denial, fear, and avoidance. In this article, I will explore the key takeaways from the book, highlighting how they can be helpful for psychotherapy clients and their families facing death and loss.
Grief is a natural and inevitable response to loss, and it is not something to be avoided or cured. It is a testament to the love and connection that we have shared with our loved ones. Denial of grief is a denial of the love and relationship that we had with the person who died.
Our culture has an unhealthy relationship with death, treating it as a medical problem rather than a spiritual one. Death is often seen as a failure to be fixed, and the dying are often isolated from the living, dying alone in hospitals or care facilities. This isolates us from the natural cycle of life and death, making it harder to cope with the inevitability of loss.
Death is a sacred event that deserves reverence, respect, and attention. It is an important moment in life, as it offers a unique opportunity to reflect on the meaning and purpose of our lives. It is also an opportunity to reconnect with our spiritual beliefs, values, and practices.
The dying need companionship and care, not just from medical professionals but from their families and loved ones. It is important to create a safe and supportive environment for the dying, where they can share their thoughts, feelings, and fears about death without judgment. This is an opportunity to listen to the dying, learn from their wisdom, and offer support and love.
We must learn to live with death and accept it as an inevitable part of life. This involves accepting the fragility of life and the inevitability of death, recognising that every moment is precious, and that death can happen at any time. It also means acknowledging our mortality and preparing for it by creating wills, advance directives, and funeral plans.
Aging is not a disease, and it should not be treated as such. Our culture tends to view aging as a problem to be fixed, and older adults are often marginalised and isolated from the rest of society. It is important to recognise that aging is a natural and inevitable part of life and that older adults have valuable wisdom and experience to share with the younger generations.
The dead need to be honoured, not just for the sake of the deceased but also for the living. Honouring the dead is an opportunity to acknowledge the significance of their life, their contributions, and their impact on our lives. It is also an opportunity to create a sense of closure and to offer support and comfort to the grieving.
The grieving need community, and it is important to create spaces where they can share their experiences and receive support and validation. This can include grief support groups, bereavement counselling, or community events that honor the dead. It is important to recognise that grief is a shared experience, and that the support of others can be crucial to healing.
We must learn to speak honestly and openly about death if we are to navigate it in a meaningful way. This means having difficult conversations with our loved ones and being willing to face our own mortality.
The process of dying can be a time of great healing and connection with others. By engaging with death in a meaningful way, we can deepen our relationships and find a sense of community and belonging.
We must develop a sense of reverence for death if we are to navigate it in a meaningful way. This means seeing death as a sacred and profound experience that requires our respect and attention.
Remember, facing death and dealing with grief and loss is a deeply personal and unique experience. It is important to find a way to engage with these experiences in a way that is authentic and meaningful to you. By developing a relationship with death and embracing the reality of loss, we can live a life that is more authentic, meaningful, and full of love.
If you would like to explore therapy services for grief and loss, I am here to support you. Please feel free to reach out to schedule an appointment or to learn more about my services.
Resource Guide:
The Centre for Grief Education - The Centre for Grief Education is a not-for-profit organisation that provides grief education, support, and resources for individuals and families who are facing loss and grief. They offer a range of grief support programs and workshops for people of all ages, as well as resources and information on coping with grief and loss. Their website also has a directory of grief support services in Melbourne.
Bereavement Care Centre - The Bereavement Care Centre is a non-profit organisation that provides support and counselling for individuals and families who are grieving the loss of a loved one. They offer individual counselling, support groups, and workshops, as well as a range of resources and information on coping with grief and loss. Their website also has a directory of grief support services in Melbourne.
The Australian Centre for Grief and Bereavement - The Australian Centre for Grief and Bereavement is a not-for-profit organisation that provides education, training, and support for individuals and families who are facing loss and grief. They offer a range of grief support programs and workshops, as well as resources and information on coping with grief and loss. Their website also has a directory of grief support services in Melbourne and throughout Australia.
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